There are two kinds of followers in this world:

1. People who genuinely enjoy the content, and

2. People who are building a psychological profile for the court case they’re planning in their Notes app.

Some call it stalking.
I call it DIY media studies.

As an ethical hater-fan, my duties include:

• Watching every post so I can roll my eyes accurately
• Critically analyzing the comments like an FBI profiler in winged eyeliner
• Practicing deep breathing every time he monetizes a punchline I lived through
• Courageously resisting the urge to type, “wow, groundbreaking…” under his Reels

People are out here following accounts for inspiration?
Disgusting. Couldn’t be me.

I am here to witness.

I am here to judge.

I am here to bring a little academic rigor to the chaos.

And if someday he releases a book called
“Turn Your Parasocial Nemesis Into Your Brand Ambassador”
I will simply hit purchase
…in the name of research.

Haters fuel the algorithm.
And scholars?
Scholars screenshot.